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Talking dirty has a bit of a bad reputation – think cheesy porn scenes and four-letter words being screamed at high pitch. But the truth is that dirty talk is used by many people and it’s a great way to heat things up, as well as improve the connection between you and your partner.
If you are planning on introducing some sexual talk into your routine, you may find it a little nerve-wracking to begin with, but fear not, our guide is here to help. Here is everything you need to know about how to dirty talk, from general sex chat tips to the dos and don’ts of talking dirty.
Why talk dirty during sex?
Talking dirty to your partner as part of the build-up to sex can heighten sexual tension, leading naturally into physical foreplay and increased passion during sex. In fact, teasing can start hours before you are even alone together and get the anticipation going, for example through dirty texting (or sexting). So, if you’re wondering how to talk during sexting, these sex chat tips can also be applied to your dirty texts.
Dirty talk can help when you are far away from the person you are craving. Picking up the phone to sext, talk dirty, or even better video call when you’re feeling horny can be a great experience. By knowing what to say to excite your partner, you can both get in the mood a lot quicker. Teamed with some sex toys and dimmed lights, it will be like you’re not even apart.
Talking dirty doesn’t have to be dirty
The idea of dirty talk during sex doesn’t turn everyone on, but it doesn’t have to be utterly rude and filthy. Speaking to each other during sex can help to spark the moment and can also help to reassure both partners that they’re doing a good job. Hearing your partner moan with pleasure helps you to know that you’re doing something right and might encourage you to be a bit more daring. Telling your partner what you’d like to do to them also lets them know how attracted you are to them, which adds to the pleasure.
How to talk dirty: the dos and don’ts
Getting over nerves is the first step, especially if you don’t usually talk dirty to your partner. Try to relax and have fun - if you’re already having sex with your partner, adding some dirty talk during sex or even outside of the bedroom isn’t a big deal. Here are the dos and don’ts when it comes to talking dirty:
Do: Keep it simple
If you and your partner are beginners when it comes to the art of talking dirty, then the best piece of advice we can give you is to keep things simple. Try not to worry too much about cooking up elaborate, fantasy role-play scenarios as it’s just going to create extra pressure. If you overcomplicate it, it will interrupt the flow and can ruin the moment. Instead, just focus on basic actions and how you’re feeling with your sexual talk. This can be simply describing the moment or how they make you feel.
Do: Discover what phrases get them going
Your sexuality is completely unique – you almost certainly like things done a little differently than how your partner does. Talking dirty to your partner is no exception to this rule. With this in mind, find out what kind of talk gets them going. Either work your way through some different kinds of dirty talk or simply ask them what they like to hear. Remember to keep an open mind and try to keep your dirty talk judgement-free. No-one wants to be laughed at or feel insecure about what they’re into – embrace it and step outside your comfort zone.
Do: Tell them how turned on you are
A great way to get them going is to tell them how turned on you are (even if you aren’t quite there yet). Hearing how turned on you are will help them to feel sexy, which is certain to get them more excited. Feeling sexy and confident are key ingredients to mastering sexy talk, so don’t be afraid to let them know how hot they make you feel. You can even try telling them what you want to do to yourself because of how turned on you are – this is almost certain to get them hot under the collar.
Do: Tell them what to do
Provided they’re comfortable with relinquishing a bit of control when it comes to who’s in charge, your partner may get a real kick out of being told what to do. If it’s their kind of thing, include some instructions into your sexual talk – tell them where to put their mouth or what position to move their body in to. If they enjoy being submissive, they may quiver at the sound of some sexy instructions. If you and your partner enjoy power-play, read more about how to dominate during sex here.
Do: Tell them what you’re going to do
On the flip side, why not try talking dirty by telling them what you’re going to do? This can heighten the anticipation and help get them really excited. Tell them how you’re going to pleasure them and how great the orgasm you’re going to give them will be.
Don't: Focus on body shape or size
It may be the case that your sex partner has body issues they don’t what attention drawing to when talking dirty. Sure, some may like to hear how big or small various body parts are but equally, some may not. To avoid hitting a nerve, stick to positive and affirmative comments about your partner’s body without mention of size and shape. After all, you’re trying to make them feel sexy, not self-conscious. If you’re unsure, stick to saying how hot they make you feel rather than their body parts or how they look.
Don't: Do things you’re not comfortable with
As with all things sex, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Consent is an absolute must for all parties involved when it comes to moments spent under the duvet, and that includes talking dirty to your partner. So, just be sure all parties are happy with anything said or done during your dirty talk experience. A great way to manage this is to have regular check-ins with each other and actually asking your partner how to talk dirty to them – ask them what they find hot and what’s a turn-off early on to save hurt feelings or awkward moments later on.
Don't: Take dirty talk out of the bedroom with you
Hopefully, this one goes without saying but we’re going to say it anyway. Keep your nocturnal activities to the bedroom, don’t go sharing the details of your dirty talk successes the next time you’re in the office.
This doesn’t mean you can only dirty talk during sex – learning how to talk during sexting or phone sex are great skills to learn when apart. Just respect your partner’s privacy if they don’t want you sharing the details of your sexual talk with other people.
Talking dirty during sex – what to say
Ready to get going but in need of a few examples of how to dirty talk to make sure things go to plan? Let’s look at 10 things to say before and during sex to get you started:
10 things to say before sex
I really need you right now
I get so turned on just thinking about you
I can’t wait to feel you inside me/be inside you
I want to give you the best oral you’ve ever had
I want to kiss you, all over …
You can do whatever you want to me tonight
I can’t wait until we’re both alone so that I can get you naked
I’m picturing us naked together right now
I’ve just had the most amazing flashback to last night Fancy having an early night tonight?
10 things to say during sex
That/you feel so amazing
I love how wet you feel right now
Please don’t ever stop what you are doing
This is the best feeling ever
You are turning me on so much
I want you to take control of me I want to taste you
I want to make you cum
I’ve missed your body so much
I want you to lick/kiss me here/there
Why not try to talk dirty to your partner tonight and see what works for you? Remember, the most important thing is that you both feel comfortable and enjoy the experience, so have fun and be safe!
What to learn more about all things sex? Head over to our Explore Sex blog where we discuss everything from spicing up kissing to learning how to orgasm together.
This article is for general information only and not intended as a substitute for medical advice.
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